Do you have a favourite coffee shop you get your daily coffee from? Is there a specific barista that knows your order before you can spell it out to her? Whether it be a smile and a nod, or a simple ‘good morning’, every interaction is a subconscious connection.

Interactions fostering small connections are usually dismissed as ‘small talk’ or fillers in situations; But these act as anchors in creating a bubble for comfortable conversations. A two-line conversation with the mail man or the food delivery person at your doorstep can serve as a buffer against the feeling of loneliness.

Such small connections enable people to practice social engagement when interacting in the larger world feels intimidating. Research suggests that some people prefer one-on-one conversations compared to group discussions in general. Human beings are studied to be ‘social animals’, but the requirement to want to fulfil the needs to belong and socialise varies from person to person.

Positively, there is a reduction in cognitive load concerning individual conversations, as it doesn’t force you to track multiple threads of speech, or mentally prepare for a time to speak. The two in the conversation are fully present ‘in the moment’. A group conversation may sometimes be prone to overshadow or overpower the words of others, not allowing equal contribution from everybody.

Introverts usually tend to stay away from human interaction not because they dislike people, but because they may prefer a lower level of external stimulation. This can be achieved through small and easy connections made at random moments during the day. Connections can be made digitally too through positive interactions under users’ posts, commenting with positive feedback, and also letting someone know how their story of struggle motivated you to move forward and not give up.

Small talk does not always have to mean useless conversations, but an attempt at making oneself and the other feel a little less lonely as paths cross. These conversations eliminate the pressure to ‘perform right’ by providing no specific guideline to follow or expectation to meet. “How is your day going so far?” can be a conversation starter that can help lighten a situation and shows that you care.

Time is usually viewed as a precious resource, and this perspective creates in people the understanding that any conversation or interaction that is not directed towards a particular goal or outcome is a waste of time. Thus, people, find it easier to be glued to a phone or plug in a headset to signal to the world that they are unavailable.

Shutting oneself off from the world while actively living and moving in it can be the major cause of detachment and loneliness. This can make you feel completely invisible even when surrounded by groups of people. Small connections may not seem to be having an immediate effect, but with time, these interactions cause a cumulative effect, enabling you to experience a feeling of belongingness in your community.

Studies state that the impact of small interactions and connections is not just subjective, but also neurobiological. Brief social contact with people increases the release of a positive hormone called oxytocin that helps in regulating stress and increasing trust. The trigger of this hormone gradually reduces the production of cortisol, the hormone that increases the levels of stress and anxiety in the body.

Note that these interactions aren’t just polite, they’re protective. They signal to your body to not always remain in a state of hyper vigilance, but to learn to let loose in a safe and secure manner. It reminds the heart and mind of the prevalence of basic human kindness. So the next time you have food or mail delivered to your door, take a moment to ask the delivery partner how his day’s going, because that may be the first time he’s ever been asked that. – Image credit: Freepik – editor@nrifocus.com

– The writer is a counselling psychologist, specialising in mindfulness therapy and researching the quirks of life.