Have you ever felt ‘odd’ at family gatherings? From hearing people pass snide comments about you, to receiving stares because you showed up in an outfit no one else would dare to wear… the weight of the deficiency of mental wellness is indeed burdening.

The older generation passes down not just grandma’s famous coconut curry recipe, but also their traditions, principles, and practices that may be intertwined with a tad bit of their dysfunctionality as well. Being the only person in the room who can identify the ‘elephant’ can be hard-hitting.

People today prefer more to put in extra effort to avoid obvious and evident issues in the family than to address them rightfully. To face a family issue head-on would mean going against the module of unspoken rules. Younger generations take it upon themselves to break the cycle of behaviours that can be the cause of generational trauma with passing years.

Voicing out

“I cannot be like how they were” and “I cannot turn out to be like them” are the growing mindsets of a generation that wants to break dysfunctional patterns, cycles of toxicity, and the taboo of self expression in the family. It is upon the people of today to be the ‘cycle breakers’ – those who decide that certain behaviours stop with them.

A silent comparison of families exists intergenerationally, underscoring the causes of friction. Healing begins when family members unite, consciously, to break the barriers that cause distance, difficulty, and destroy peace. As this may seem impossible for older generations to comply with, it automatically becomes the responsibility of the modern generation to take oneself seriously.

You are never alone

As much as it is invigorating to be a torchbearer for breaking generational cycles, it is equally isolating. Standing up for creating a new path to move forward usually ends in conflicts among family members, who refuse to accommodate change on the pretext of violating deep-rooted traditions and principles. One small change – for the greater good – is not taken lightly. The family is quick to reject change just to hold on to what they consider as ‘normal’, even if it is evidently partial, useless, or toxic.

Cycle breakers experience the mental load of having to unlearn certain behaviours, while teaching their young ones and others the positive alternatives simultaneously. It can be emotionally exhausting to be the ones that make the change and be the change themselves. But the results of such a burdening process can turn out to be exhilarating.

It all begins at home

When a 16-year-old talks about going to therapy to get over personal distress, the family views it as an insult, leave alone a blame, for not keeping her ‘happy enough’ at home.

A big challenge for the modern generation is to tackle misinterpretation and darts of negativity aimed at them by those at home. The reason why rigid behaviours become a ‘normal’ at homes is because change – like a mirror – reflects back at the one who initiates it, and not everyone is ready for that.

Sometimes, your mission to rescue your family could turn adverse. However, progress requires taking that bold step to make change work, at the cost of you being seen as an outlier. For instance, when a topic on mental health is hushed at home, identifying that as the very concern that needs to be talked about is the point we are making here.

The story of a cycle breaker is the story of a changemaker. It speaks volumes about the person who has the courage to show the world, especially one’s own family, that personal health and wellbeing are as important as the emotional quotient of the entire family.

You could be the trailblazer. It may seem tough to start with, but it is just the tip of a generational gain. – editor@nrifocus.com

 – The writer is a counselling psychologist, specialising in mindfulness therapy and researching the quirks of life.