March, termed as Self-Harm Awareness Month, throws the spotlight on how mental ‘baggage’ can physically manifest through self-injury. Internal pain that has been stored and left unprocessed manifest in ways that can be difficult to talk about.

Self-harm is considered a ‘trigger’ in today’s vocabulary, thus closing-off the minds of people to the seriousness of the impact it may have on someone struggling with it.

It is important to understand that self-harm is not a trend or a fancy term that can show up in ‘intelligent’ conversations. It is a method that is employed to cope with emotional distress that is found to be too heavy to carry. Some tend to engage in it, subconsciously, through noticeable habits such as pinching and rupturing one’s skin, or finger nail-biting.

However, self-harm can differ in severity and varying degrees from person to person.

Why being aware is crucial

Experiences involving intense pain, shame, grief or guilt can trigger symptoms of self-harm as a mechanism to minimise the onslaught of negative emotions. Recognising that such an engagement with self-injury only poses as a strategy to cope with difficulty, is the first step to creating awareness.

Some common misconceptions pertaining to self-harm need to be addressed. Self-harm affects people of all ages, and not just teenagers or the youth. It is prevalent among all populations just as pain or turmoil is experienced globally.

Please note that self-harm is used as a strategy to cope with life and not to end it. It cannot be considered as an attempt to unalive oneself, but to help deal with situations of intense emotion better. It is an indication of deep distress, and signals a lack of healthy coping.

What to watch out for

Most people engaging in acts of self-harm go to great lengths to try to hide it from those around them. Wearing long sleeves in very hot weather, making excuses for visible marks, limiting social interactions, and even avoiding outdoor activities communicate that self-injury isn’t a public performance, but a private battle. Breaking these myths can help people understand this mechanism better, and can contribute to expressing more gentleness than judgement.

As self-harm is usually very private, physical signs of distress may be difficult to identify. In such cases, try to look for behavioural cues that may seem “off”. Scratches or bruises that appear too frequently and are left unexplained; unusual use of wristbands or bandages; appearing detached from everyday activities; losing interest in hobbies; and even becoming easily irritable over minor setbacks are some emotional and behavioural indicators that can be noticed over time.

If you suspect someone may be engaging in acts of self-harm, it is necessary for you to approach the person and their situation with utmost care and gentleness – allowing them to view you as someone they can trust and rely on. Reacting to self-injury by expressing shock, anger or horror can make the person retreat further into secrecy.

Thus, maintaining a calm voice and a steady heart goes a long way.

How you can help

Use non judgemental language. Expressing support, comfort and patience, is the approach to be sensitively maintained. A simple sentence like, ‘I would like you to know that I’m a safe person to talk to, if you’re hurting’ and lending a listening ear can provide more reassurance than any other immediate measure.

However, in situations where more severe forms of self-harm are identified, they may require immediate intervention – preferably professionally – to access effective resources and therapeutic guidance.

Avoid ultimatums such as ‘promise me you’ll stop’ or ‘don’t do this again’. These may cause the person to feel threatened and guilty of themselves and would lessen their tendency to open up about a possible relapse again. Usually, a conversation can be a great first step towards recovery, but if you feel like the person may need additional help, try to stay in touch with them as they navigate healthier forms of coping with their internal distress.

If it’s you, or someone you know who is dealing with self-harm, remember that recovery always begins with understanding. It has to be approached with care, and not attacked with judgement. Rather than expecting a ‘miraculous’ cure over the behaviour, view it as a series of small steps toward a healthier coping strategy.

Nobody is alone

Recovering from self-harm or injury does not have to be dealt with single-handedly. Asking for help, or providing support, isn’t a crime. It is, in fact, the most accessible method to healing.

However, if you think you lack a support system, but want to approach someone for help regarding the same, the internet still remains a nice place, where empathic and relatable strangers are willing to hear, and even share their story. Discern the genuine online platform – the one that suits you – and march forward. This month, and the rest of the year, is all about stepping on to the road of recovery and keep marching. The best is ahead. – editor@nrifocus.com

– The writer is a counselling psychologist, specialising in mindfulness therapy and researching the quirks of life.